eat your crust

I should’ve kept myself goin after work and stayed up til midnight like a good chap to keep my sleep cycle in check.

Now it’s 4:30 am and I’m bumping around on the net, seeing the same newswire articles on all the sites and thoroughly disgruntled. Perhaps I should subscribe to The Christian Science Monitor under good recommendation to get a different view delivered to my doorstep.

Lord knows USA Today is pretty, but pretty flimsy.

A thought occured though, completely unrelated…

As a child, we’re told… Eat the crust on your bread, it’ll grow hair on your chest.

Does this type of encoding infer that we should, as men, covet chest hair? Imagine the trauma of the smooth gene’d fellers who avoided the crusts of their Rainbow bread, ignorant that, years down the road, as the staggered development of their peer’s pubic hairs would come to haunt them.

It’s strange really, how these wive’s tales are a part of society, and we’re left to figure out why we’re so messed up sometimes.

afterwork nap

I know I shouldn’t take these afterwork naps…

I dreamt of Anna Nicole. She was on Jay Leno. There was a really dumb skit that surfaced in a fake impromptu way as a stage hand tried to cover up Anna’s exposed privates with a bunch of polyester stuffing. It (the fluffy stuffing) filled the guest area, and Anna emerged on a Segway in a little playboy bunny tuxedo get-up.

Then she, Jay, and Steve Martin, along with a few other notable male stars who elude me in this grogginess, broke into song. The song was about gumdrops.

I woke up wish visualizations of a doggie bag with a remainder of my steak and the potatoes that I had for lunch today at the Longhorn Steakhouse.

I am confused, and hungry.

This is all I know.

Baby steps

I have been doing this for a week, and it’s really dumb, yet even in my under-the-weather-ness, it feels good to do.

Before I go to bed, I will always:
– wash my face, thoroughly
– brush my teeth (The Sonicare Dave got me is a godsend) and
– do 10 pushups. Ten measly pushups.

It’s the least I can do.


Today was a nice day. I sat on my couch with portable computer resting comfortably on a padded lapdesk my mom and brother got me for my birthday, tapped into the ‘net with a speedy wireless connection.

With legs propped up on the coffee table, my tasks were laid out before me in a convenient electronic list – shared by my co-workers (available with Instant Messaging if questions came up).

This is how I envisioned my job. I do my part, while being connected with a network of individuals I trust and respect. It’s really the utopia of work. I still like the whole human interaction thing, but when it comes down to getting something done – a quiet environment by one’s self is often preferable.

The weather outside was gray and cold. It started out raining, turned to drizzle, and by afternoon flurries were swarming around aimlessly. It was a great day for a fire.

My mom brought me over some homemade vegetable soup for lunch and a couple of oatmeal cookies.

Inbetween completed tasks, I sorted the pink Starburst from a bag and set them aside for anyone but myself.

I also played a couple levels of Metroid Prime and finally got the morph ball bomb I’ve been coveting for a few weeks.

Now, If i can get the garbage to the curb, my life will be complete – for today.

No subject

Tonight marks the end, truly, of 2002. All the vacation days squandered over the holidays have run out. Of course, I’ve spent the last week battling the flu, perhaps I could count those as sick days and regain some free time in ’03.

Wallowing in misery and sleeping most of the day hasn’t been all unproductive.

My house is more organized and somewhat clean.
I got some deliverables out the door for work.
and I did start this whole journal thing up.

I’m not really sure how this is going to play out though. First of all, other folks can read it, and secondly, I used to keep a journal, but upon review – i decided I have nothing worthwhile to say.

In fact, in college, my journals were all about working too hard, getting sick, not being able to pay bills, buying a CD, and perhaps a visit from a friend. That was _all_ four years, with some variety thrown in the mix.

The last thing I want is for this to showcase that my patterns have not changed altogether very much.

End of topic. We’ll see how it goes.

I did sneak away from my home to see Lord of the Rings tonight with my coworkers. It was tough keeping focused on all the battles and eye-candy. A little hokey here and there, and I am still yet to be enamored by digital characters of any sort on screen.

Overall, the movie did make me feel good about spending all this time at home and cleaning, writing and whatnot. At least I don’t feel like I’m missing too dang much out there.

Beck on Austin City Limits

I took this Saturday quite slowly… getting up after noon, I began to think my sleeping schedule was way out of whack. Something else was wrong though. Lips chapped, nose all flaky, I decided that there was no moisture in the air whatsoever. The heat from my house was zapping it completely.

I tried to make myself presentable and venture outside, into the world of humidifiers. So many options in the humidifier world. Cool mist, warm mist, varying capacity, timers, night lights, faux wood grain, the list goes on and on. I went for the one that said you never had to change the filter, which I find suspect, but calming. If I can just keep the thing filled, I will be a happy camper.

After that ordeal, I somehow managed to fill the entire afternoon without much to show for it. I think I napped for a while, to the obnoxious sound of the humidifier, only to find that, the water did not get absorbed as the tank did not seat properly. A small adjustment made the whole audible level more tolerable.

Tonight, I ordered my first pizza for delivery online at Larosas and I’m keeping my fingers crossed to see if it works.

Regardless, the evening will be good, I am sure. Beck is performing on Austin City Limits with The Flaming Lips as his backup band. Five songs into it, I’m in a mellow, good, reflective mood.

Oh yeh, and the pizza just arrived.

Are dogs sick?

Good thing i didn’t go out last night. I think my body is trying to tell me that I need to slow the heck down.

What began as perhaps a slight headcold is evolving into full-blown flu – suggesting a viral culprit, if I’m understanding WebMD properly. They suggest that evolving and worsening symptoms are less bacterial infections and more viral.


I did manage to get out to my mom’s for a little brunch, which turned out to be a ploy by my brother to meet all his friends – I’m not sure to be honest. It was fine, good food, real nice folk, and a recipe for ginger tea surfaced.

Back home, I sank deeply into sleep, avoiding some work I had to do. Luckily the client let me know that we’re in good shape for an important presentation the following week. Which brings me to ask… What does as sick as a dog mean?

Categorized as HoHum

A very quiet evening…

If i had to pick one holiday to bypass, it would have to be New Year’s Eve. I much prefer the quiet to-do we made of the event as a child.

The evening would be filled with board games and family time. Usually we’d play monopoly until it got boring and we began cheating overtly. We were then given a pot and a big spoon. At midnight, we’d run outside, bang our pots and pans, then return inside for a helping of Sauerkraut and sausages.

It was said that, eating this foul, wretched, fermented, steamed cabbage would bring a prosperous new year. I suppose this is one way to trick kids into eating this stuff. Funny thing is, I like sauerkraut now… without the alure of riches.

Categorized as Pondersome

Tomorrow is my birthday. I turn 31

Tomorrow is my birthday. I turn 31.

Birthdays are silly, really .

Just some indicator of how many moons have gone by as we rotate.

I really thought for the longest time, if I just make it to 30. If I just make it to 30.

It’s worthy to take pause though, and reflect.

30 was rough.
And not for the usual, I’m-getting-old reasons…

30 was rough more for the ignorance which I realized I fostered over the decades.

It was a battle between the mind and the heart.

Perhaps I’m still wrestling with the emotional journey, coupled with the physical journey.

I’ve been reeling ever since my trip across the country. The journey I went on because everything went to shit. The journey I undertook because I believed that I wasn’t making the right choices…

I was unsatisfied with what I had invested.

To boot, I believed I wasn’t learning basic human nature.

Sure I can make things. I can build a website. I can help start a business. I can match my socks. I can take pictures. I can use a computer. I can make vegetable soup. I can solve complex problems…

But I can’t connect with folk on both a physical and mental level.

I was alone, and scared.

I still see these phases of my life as an outsider. An outsider to some secret notion that brings people together.

I never fit in.

I got along, of course… But I never fit in.

It took me 29 years to identify why (I thought) that was, and be honest about it. Once I did, it unraveled.

I didn’t fit in at all.

I was again, on the outside.

It’s funny how our eyes can see boundaries that aren’t there, yet they seem so real.

Our hands can reproduce things in a variety of constructs: Paper, clay, metal, code, film. These things are real. But how we react to them moves into this inner world of interpretation.

I’ve always thought that music transcended these physical representations. It exists in a space that is tied to emotion – some compartment of our head that excites the senses.

That’s all a tangent, but for some reason – it seems like there’s an interconnectedness that I’m still not grasping.

I know there are boundaries that do not exist, but the mind has this way of being more creative than reality. I’m hedging my bets that this is, indeed, a good thing.

Reality can be so bleak.


30 was wonderful.
And not for the usual, I’m-smarter-with-experience reasons…

30 was wonderful more for the fascination which I realized I fostered over the decades.

It was a victory between awe and wonderment.

Perhaps I’m still amazed that in the face of boredom or adversity, we have a choice to move forward.

And once we start moving, there are destinations and people that begin to fill the empty spaces we’ve carved out of ourselves over the years.

I am satisfied with what I have invested.

To boot, I believe I understand basic human nature.

Sure I can make things. I can build a website. I can help start a business. I can match my socks. I can take pictures. I can use a computer. I can make vegetable soup. I can solve complex problems…

And I can connect with folk.

We are alone, and scared. But there’s happiness and comfort that can be shared.

And I am an outsider… If only for the reason that I choose to say it.

If only for the reason that I choose to say anything at all.

I may never fit in.

But I’ll get along, of course…

I like being on the outside.

It’s not desolate at all. There’s good company.

It’s funny how our eyes can see boundaries that are there, and we can move freely about.

That’s all a tangent, but for some reason – it seems like there’s an interconnectedness that I’m grasping.

The mind has this way of being more creative than reality. I’m hedging my bets that this is, indeed, a good thing.

I’d rather create my reality.

Categorized as Pondersome