Butt Ugly

Apologies in advance to all yellow Ford Focus hatchback owners.

What an ugly day. I step off the elevator at work to see a new carpet the neighbors put down. We share a floor, but this common space should have regulatory decorating committees. My cohort at work pondered evil schemes with me to add mayhem to the tragedy: An occasional table with tacky vase and plastic flowers. A magazine rack of fake wood filled with Family Circle and Better Homes and Gardens. Hell, screw the vase – put anything by Michael Graves on it.

It’s not that I hate oriental rugs, I just hate imitation ripoff oriental rugs with bad designs.

Then as I’m driving home, I get behind this Focus hatchback in Egg Yolk yellow. Yes, that is really the name Ford calls this shade. It particularly brings attention to the birthing hips of the Focus. I couldn’t take my eyes off of the proportions. The sheer ugliness was beyond a train wreck, it was bordering on the wretchedness of an aging socialite who likes to wear themed outfits with matching accessories.

(Imagine the horror: leopard print stretch pants paired with a “furry sweater,” a faux alligator clutch, a giraffe broach and a dangly necklace with animal trinkets made to look like it was made anywhere but where it was really manufactured – by starving kids with no health care in Botswana)

Pacers had better curves. This Ford blight is venturing into Pontiac Aztek ugly.

The bright side: I don’t feel sorry for people who own Pontiac Azteks, ’cause I know they have that neat gizmo that turns the trunk into a tent.

There.

I feel better.