Scientology’s closed

due to thetans

You might be wondering, what is a thetan? (pronounced THAY-tan)

I was wondering the same thing when I walked to lunch this afternoon. Luckily the Wikipedia has an answer that works as well as Cliffs Notes did back in high school:

When a person dies – or, in Scientology terms, when a thetan abandons its physical body – they go to a “landing station” on the planet Venus, where the thetan is re-implanted and told lies about its past life and its next life. The Venusians take the thetan, “capsule” it, and send it back to Earth to be dumped into the ocean off the coast of California.

Wait a minute. That doesn’t sound right at all. Here is how Scientology’s “official site” defines it:

Man consists of three parts. The first of these is the spirit, called in Scientology the thetan (from the Greek letter theta, meaning “thought” or “spirit”), which is the individual himself.

The second of these parts is the mind. The thetan uses his mind as a communication and control system between himself and his environment.

The third of these parts is the body. The body is not the person.

The most important of the three parts of man is the thetan, which is the spirit, or you.

In other news, you might be wondering if I’m terribly upset about the results of the primary polling in Ohio yesterday.

No, not terribly.

It’s like that bit in Adaptation about love in some strange way. And no, I am not in love with Obama.

But I dig hope.

I can keep that long after the results are tabulated.

2 responses to “Scientology’s closed”

  1. Nick Hall Avatar

    Funniest thing I have read this year! Thank you!

  2. Aman Chaudhary Avatar

    That quote from Adaptation makes my day!