I coulda been a contender

I took a picture, it’ll last longer

I got my haircut and beard trimmed major. I told my barber that I need to look mildly respectable for my big shot at reality tv.

See, I think I’d make a great apprentice for Martha Stewart. I’ve got sensitivity toward design, and I’ve been a business owner for over 8 years. Oh the list goes on and on why I’d be a great match.

I didn’t fill out the application. I figure I would just drive up to Columbus Ohio for the open call and get my wrist band, then sit in a cozy corner filling it out, play with my laptop, read a book, eat a candy bar, that sorta thing.

I wake up super early (for me) and iron some duds, previewed with friends last night who thought I looked like I had an extreme makeover.

I drove up and got there only to find it bitter cold, and a long line outside.

I hollered above everyone, “Is this where we get wristbands?” Everyone looked at me with fear. They knew I would easily beat them. What they didn’t know is that I have a few triggers.

I can handle almost anything in life. Death and taxes are even tolerable. But standing in a line? I can’t do it.

I don’t think Martha would either, and that’s exactly why we would’ve been perfect for each other.

So I took some photos and drove back home—all before noon. Now I’m putting my baseball hat back on and untucking this shirt.