Schlockin’ Y’all

Brought to you courtesy, of the red, orange, yellow, green, purple and blue

I really love the single “I Love this Bar.”

However, without aid of any legal internet downloads, I picked up Toby Keith’s new album on Tuesday with little insight. I think I know why it wasn’t available online… If I had the option to just buy one song, I would have.

Only the lyrics from Toby Keith’s stellar disappointment provide any redeeming characteristics.

The undertones of homo are ripe, I know all that good-ol boy schtick is just part of the drag.

Some revealin’ tidbits:

I like my truck. I like my girlfriend. I like to take her out to dinner. I like a movie now and then. But I love this bar

Translation: Of course he simply likes those things but LOVES this bar. He gets to hang out with cowboys, blue-collar boys, rednecks, truckers, bikers, and *ahem* suckers.

I think I found me a country boy, let’s get out of here

Translation: This nugget, from the song that rhymes babelicious and delicious, is pretty clear to me.

Me and the boys we made alot of noise (in bed) And we sang all our songs for free
We partied through college, aquired some knowledge. Never did get a degree.
We did it our way
(wink wink) looking back on the good days

Translation: He’s clearly not happy with the present, or his girlfriend.

Then I handed him my money, and he sized me up

Translation: You go Toby! Work it!

The rest of the album is pretty forgettable too. He touches upon his Jesus complex, throws in more flag waving than a Lee Greenwood album, and admits that he can’t handle his weed.

Too bad the music is crap and he can’t write a song by himself, but it is great to hear Toby getting in touch with his inner fag.

Link of the day Church Sign Generator It’s true. You can put your own custom message on a church sign! Praise be!

One response to “Schlockin’ Y’all”

  1. Chelsea Avatar

    My friends and I had a hilarious interaction with a Toby Keith look-a-like a few summers back, and since then, we’ve become obsessed with him, in a humorous sense. I mentioned something to my mom about this, and she informed me that my dad, who used to work in radio, met him, and has since been convinced that he’s gay. I stumbled upon your page by chance, but now I feel the need to share this story.
    My dad and a male coworker were given backstage passes to the Dubuque (IA) County Fair in the sometime in the early-mid 1990s. They went into Toby’s dressing room, and upon introduction, he looked them both up and down. Turning to my dad’s coworker, he smiled and said, “I bet you’ve got a sweet long-stemmed rose, don’t you?” My dad said that the delivery of that comment could only mean one thing. Plus, Toby had blow job eyes.
    Other proof? That goatee, for sure.