Photo Archive – Page 166

Insomnia.

February 25, 2003

I haven’t been this outta whack in a while. I have a Dr. appointment in a few hours and I just can’t get to sleep. My mind is reeling.

It never fails that whenever I have to get up really early – I get anxious and stay up way too late. On top of it all, I feel a bit of the silver lining on life is a bit tarnished. I loathe these moods. I know I just need to find a good distraction, but I’m at wits end.

I’ve been in this pattern ever since returning home.

I get into this mode of operandi where I work, scrounge for food when I remember too, and do the chores that make clothes clean and the house presentable (not that i have company).

I get online then. A lot.

I’ll chat, read up on news, tend to sites and whatnot.

It’s a scattered routine.
Pretty dang uninteresting in the scheme of things.
I sat at the bar.

February 24, 2003

Not just for an evening, but for several. Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Sunday nights. I sat at the bar and talked with people. I walked up to strangers who looked like some friendliness would bring a grin to their face. I sat down and listened to stories and shared my own.

Seems like, when I traveled – folks were friendly to me, and I wondered, perhaps some of that friendliness could be more present in my hometown of Cincinnati.

Thing is, most folks talked about how unfriendly the city is. How they would like to move to some more exotic locale.

I suppose the best part of it all though, was bonding with the bartender.

I helped close the joint on Sunday night/Monday morning, as the snow started to fall once more. We talked about most anything you can think of… life, relationships, work, local clubs and ideals. It was nice.

I got on the road to find rushhour traffic battling some fiercely bad conditions. I figured, since McDonalds was serving breakfast, I should indulge in a baacon egg and cheese biscuit.

Tummy full, sleep came easy.
back, i spose

February 15, 2003

It’s been a while. I was starting off this journal so diligently, then I went off to wyoming for work where cell phones, tvs, and computer access came at a premium…. and I slipped.

I used one o them thaere old fahioned hand writing journals, so I’ll backup and transcribe when I get a chance, but for now, I’ll just focus on now.

I’ve been back in Cincinnati for roughly 4 days and the itch to get on the road and head west is burnin greatly within me. I s’pose it sank in the most when i was sitting outside as the snow was falling, waiting for a ride to work.

As I sat there on my front stoop, I looked around the neighborhood and was non-plussed, even with the beuaty of fresh snow – which always tends to facsinate me. I didn’t have that sense of awe like I did seeing some mountains in the backdrop off in the distance. I can attribute this to the fact that i’m a city dweller, and if I would just simply move to the outskirts of town and be surrounded a bit more by nature – this fish-outta-water feeling would subside.

Hell, I dunno.

I remember growing up, I’d pester my mom sayin I was “bored.” We certainly were in the wilderness back then. She’d get all serious and look at me and say something to the effect, “Oh you should never be bored, there’s sooooo much to do.” Then she’d just go off making a list of all the things one can do.

Pretty neat really.

But this feeling of being back home, and not feeling at “home” seems to transcend boredom. I’m not bored by any means. There’s tons to do here in this town, and I dig having so many friends and family around – but it’s the geography or somethin. Just ain’t sittin right.

I’m hellbent on figuring this out.

Is it that I’m just some transient, gypsy that can’t settle on a place? Or, if I plopped myself out west a while, would that urge to gather no moss keep naggin me? Hmm, i dunno.
I dig my job

January 27, 2003

So it’s 3:33am, and I’m just wrapping up little details on a site we’re launching this week at work. I could blather on about how I loathe working this late… but honestly, I feel like an elf (albeit a tall one) gettin stuff ready for happy recipients. I dig my job.
Efficiency

January 25, 2003

So I’m learning about making sites easier to build… with Server Side Includes. Such a simple concept, but what a difference it makes. We’ve built them a long time at the office, but I’ve never really sat down and tried to integrate them by myself.

It took a big site built in DreamWeaver to make me rethink my ways. Dreamweaver has this nifty “Library” feature, which, although neat at first, becomes an unwieldly, slow, simplified “Find and Replace,” and when you have a big site, making one little change to that Library Item updates every page… very slowly.

The upside: DreamWeaver recognizes “includes” and displays them in the visual editor, so you can still get a sense of the page.

Regardless, I’ve got it down pat. Maybe I’ll lose the frames on my personal site one o these days… hmmmm.
Chatty Cathy

January 25, 2003
Funny how communication has evolved over the years. From pen to telegraph to telephone to computers, another myriad of levels have been added with this latest technology.

We had email, and that was a way to get a message from point A to point B. Then of course, we have this whole Instant Messaging thing which can take many forms off offline and online communique. Add video chat, like ISPQ and ICUII to the mix, and there’s another variable to consider.

I will say this for instant messaging, dang, they need to get it together. I have my work colleagues (both inside and outside the company), and friends to manage. It can be rough, given the slew of privacy options and tools that are out there.

It’s funny, I adapt to all these chat apps, depending on many things. First, where are my friends, secondly, what is the client (at work) using… I make adjustments accodingly. I use em all, to varying degrees of success. Of course, some friends have screennames that by themselves, look questionable on any pal or buddy list.

I know I should have separate screennames, but I’m me. Sure I’ve grown tired of some handles and fiddled over time, but for the most part – I give out the same handle no matter what.

I just wish privacy preferences would be more adaptable. I hate to say it, but Microsoft Messenger comes the closest.
- First, you have the ability to accept who can add you to their list. Seems like a reasonable request. I don’t want random “hellos” from folks I don’t know.
- I can group folks into categories (which they all pretty much do now anyway.)
- I can block individuals…. If only yahoo figured this out.
- I can see in my privacy settings, who has added me to their list.
Of course, there’s still many things I wish Messenger did. Like group privacy. Say I wanted all my work cohorts to see if I was online, and block out my friends. That would be a handy feature with one click. The other is video conferencing with a mac. Yahoo has this down cross-platform, and for that, I am happy.

It’s not a perfect world, and software evolves. Now of course, I like the idea of them apps that combine all these into one program from the various services, but those are flaky. It’s a great concept though.

Oh yeah, one last note – iChat on the mac wins for most tasteful integration into the operating system, and most unobtrusive sound effects.
The beard intimidation factor

January 24, 2003

So I drove up to Columbus Ohio with a colleague for a meeting today, and it was prefaced that I was to lock horns with the IT guy. I’m not much for prefacing a meeting with someone with hearsay – so I just tried to make sure our ducks were in a row and I had my technical questions outlined in an email.

It’s worth mentioning I suppose, that I’ve been letting my beard grow out — out of control it seems. Couple that with the taller-than-normal factor, and I’m thinking that at first glance, I’m the type folks would try to avoid.

So anyways, the meeting went well, and my marketing cohorts up there in Columbus said they had never seen the IT feller on such good behavior. They think he was too busy trying to figure out what to make of me. If that isn’t a compliment, I don’t know what is.
Another dream

January 22, 2003

So heck knows I don’t want this to be a dream analysis tool, but it’s handy like that.

I’m at some toy store and they have the new GameBoy, ahead of schedule. This isn’t an ordinary GameBoy, the screen is backlit, so its easy to see. I try to call my credit card company, but I’m gettin the run around. How much do I have available, I ask.

How much do you think you have available is the reply.

Then I wake up.
I am not a morning person

January 20, 2003

Putting on the same clothes I wore to the rodeo and bar, I woke with alarms and phones ringing in every direction at 5 am.

Scott was already up in the other room, getting his suitcase in order and we silently prepped ourselves for our diverging travel paths back to the Queen city. He had a layover in Chicago and would have to drive back from Indianapolis to get home. I was lucky, I s’pose.

After guessing my way to the airport, and lucky enough to be right, I dropped him off at his departure area and got lost trying to get the rental car back to Hertz. (Really poor signage)

I still like Phoenix though, and I’m anxious to return.

The plane ride was horribly packed, and I caught myself making these mouth gasp snore noises and jerking up in a fright.

Finally home, the snow was mostly gone and the chill was an impressive contrast to the mild sun of Arizona in January. I need to go back there in July and remind myself why I love the seasons.
Rodeo, Day Two

January 20, 2003

Breakfast was a faceless joint, but tolerable with a breakfast bar. I chatted with a friend who got me to thinking about how rough it is to lose someone in a relationship. Not by death mind you, but by the circumstance of two folks wrestling with trying to figure out if somethings going to work.

I always feel a little resigned and emotionless, never finding the right soothing words to say in these instances, but pain is a tough thing to overlook.

I get into phases of complete optimism though, and this was no different. Somewhere inside of me, I figure, when it happens, it just will. And sure there will be a giant leap of faith where we begin to invest in a relationship, but it’s a leap that has to go hand in hand. I write this and reflect, knowing I’ve never really taken the plunge, but I feel good that I’ve made some strides, albeit misguided and aloof.

Napkins wipe away tears though, and another sun filled day outside at the rodeo was upon us.

The second day of the rodeo has a sharp curve in attendance, as folks recover from the night before and shuffle in squinting well after noon. Seldom reaching the numbers of the previous day, I found I prefered the quieter vibe.

Getting the blues from thinking about my afternoon flight, a call to Delta remedied the situation and I was happy to be leaving the following morning instead. I spent the afternoon meeting friends of Chuck and watchin the rodeo from down near the fence where the view was better.

A beer bust at a local watering hole gave me an opportunity to drive over with Dino and chit chat. Packed as the other bar, I had a few drinks before heading out to meet up with Chuck at his house.

Got lost a few times (my glasses were all dusty, I couldn’t read the unfamiliar signs too well) and I made it to his place.

Looking through pictures and talking about cars until way past our bedtime, I thoroughly enjoyed hanging out nonetheless. Sadly, that 8 am flight would come too soon, and I knew I had to get Scott to the airport even earlier than myself.

A late night drive thru taqueria made my stomach happy, and I got back to the hotel in time to catch up with Scott and hear about his wonderful evening.

Sleep came easy as I grinned, glad that my friend was able to break away from the gray doldrums of Cincinnati, even if it was just for a brief weekend. Hopefully, it would prove to be a kick in the seat of his pants to realize there’s a big, neat, world out there – and there wasn’t anything standing in between him and it. He was welcome.